I pray that you shower your blessings on me,
Such that I get soaked in it completely,
The Divine Grace forming a cloak,
An invisible layer ever present around me.
From this shield,
Let me derive my mental strength
when the outer world weakens me,
Let me derive my physical strength
when I am sapped of energy at the end of the day,
Let me derive peace of mind
when my outer world is stressful.
Let me contemplate on YOU
when my life is rocked by doubts,
Let me repose complete Faith
That never ever wavers
whatever happens in my life.
May YOU become my thoughts,
May YOU become my speech,
May YOU become my written word,
May YOU become my actions,
I have then nothing to worry.
I do not consider myself as superstitious, but I do think that there is something called an evil eye. The way I see it is like this. The evil eye or the drishti or the nazar lagna is a manifestation of an individual’s jealousy causing themselves ulcer and producing negative vibes for that other person. These negative vibrations definitely affect the other individual in some way – small or big. How else can we make sense of coincidental happenings that take place when we are around some specific individuals ?!!
A look, a caustic tone or spoken words that keep revolving in the head long after the individual is out of the scene, causing some disturbing moments. When these are followed by some untoward incidents, naturally the mind tends to link these two.
Like wise I do think that being around positive people generates a lot of good vibes leaving a wonderful feeling long after the individual is gone. Since these are much rarer, it becomes all the more imperative to treasure such people in your life :-).
Life is not a bed of roses. In our day to day existence we face so many challenges that vary in their intensity and also test our endurance limits. Talking to someone very close about our problems can be a big relief and can help us to move on, for that day. Writing is very cathartic too. So for people who are unable to express their sorrow in spoken words, written word is a wonderful alternative. Then we can always engage ourselves in various pursuits so that we can never get the leisure to face our own demons. But what next ? All these in my opinion are only temporary solutions. They give us some kind of succour from our pain for a few days or a few weeks. Then the cycle begins.
What I think most miraculous in the way God has created us humans is that, solutions to our problems are available – not outside us, but very much within us. To fight our demons, our grief, our pain this is where we need to tap into – The Internal Strength. As much as I agree that we need people in our lives to whom we can open up, finally we have to look within us to resolve our issues.Though this is what all our scriptures tell us, it is very exhilirating to realise this on our own !
I think this is where – temples, prayers, meditation, God, Nature come into picture. Every person has their own way of seeking strength. The calm and divine atmosphere of a temple, which has hardly any crowd, refreshes me. It infuses me with the energy and strength to attack my problems. It makes me very thankful for all the good things in my life. So does looking at the morning sky which is transitioning from darkness to light. It puts me into a meditative mood where I start analysing on what is troubling me and how I want to go about addressing it. A solitary walk in the neighbourhood with only the trees, birds and my own thoughts as companions, work wonders too. Finally a quiet corner in the house where I can just close my eyes and meditate for a few minutes. I think in these serene moments, I go beyond my problems and when the blessings in my life come to the forefront, no issue seems too big to confront.
I feel this is a very important part of our growth – developing the core strength, that can withstand any onslaught. An attitude which says “You can never break my spirit come what may “. As a parent, I realise it is very important for me to teach my children also this, as they start growing. The ability to tap within themselves to seek that strength to face life.
I love the smell of the inside of furniture shops, although many people might find it repulsive. There’s this semi-large furniture shop along Abanao Road (Unifur Home Furnishing is the name) that’s two stories high and has very friendly staff (quite unlike the other shop further along the road, the Balingit Home Furnishing. Its attendant is always glowering like we’d steal their furniture, and would constantly look at her watch and tap her shoes impatiently as if willing us to go out already), that I like to go to even if we have no money on hand. I would just go inside and inspect their new arrivals, planning what I’d buy next.
I haven’t been earning this much for very long, so it’s only now that I got the chance to buy furniture for our house. I couldn’t even afford Cheap Roman Blinds several months back, but now I’m glad I am able to purchase stuff for the home, even if it’s just one by one. My latest purchase is a big computer table of my very own, complete with shelves, drawers and all that jazz. We are planning to go back there next month and buy a cabinet for our clothes. And then again on April to buy a bigger sala set, or maybe that cute baby dresser for Svet.
We’ll need a bigger house by then. Sheesh.
Me and my sisters have been brought up by my mom with little money to go by, and because of that I learned not to covet material things that are deemed unnecessary in our standards. I’ve learned not to request for Christmas presents, birthday gifts and anything that does not qualify as a really basic need. I don’t regret how I’ve been brought up, though. Because of that I learned how to be contented with what I have.
Although I can’t truthfully say that I don’t want more income, I am still fully enjoying the fruits of my labor right now. I never dreamed that I would become a WAHM, much less earn this much (no, I won’t tell you an exact figure. I’m secretive like that. Just know that I earn a lot more than the average 8-5 employee), and I’m overwhelmed by how we don’t need to borrow money from relatives anymore, and how money seems to come easy these days.
And even though there’s still a lot of things on my to-buy list (like a more powerful graphics card (geeky, I know), eye wear for when my eyes hurt from too much working, and additional furniture (I’m a furniture addict, FYI), I won’t be feel that something is missing in my life if I don’t get those.I already have everything that I need in this life: a loving family, a just-right income, true friends, good health.
What more can a girl ask for?
My mom and my aunt (one of the people in my life closest to my heart) got into a misunderstanding a couple of months back. I’m not at liberty to discuss the details, as it is a rather very personal family affair that seemed to have gone from innocuous enough to just plain ugly. Who started the silent war between the two, I can only guess, but during those times that they were not speaking to each other and have completely ignored each other on Facebook, I was naturally sad. To see the two women I most love in the world not in good terms, of course it broke my heart.
I did what I know what to do, that is, try to get them into speaking terms again even if it was just to say hi to each other. I miss their banter filling my Facebook News Feed, and I felt it was somehow my duty to help them make amends with each other. I would always manage to talk about my aunt in a good way while me and my mom talk, and I would do the same when me and my aunt would talk through Facebook messaging. Today I found out that my mom has removed my aunt from her blocked list (seriously, they are like highschoolers sometimes) and my aunt, well she has been expressing an intention to talk to my mom for quite some time. Ain’t that a good news? Turns out they can’t stand to be without each other for very long. I guess they just took some time off to clear their minds and be at peace with themselves.
I feel so happy right now that I feel a bit giddy. It wasn’t only me who was responsible for their decision, of course. Me and my sisters as well as my aunt’s children have been hard at work bringing them back together. All’s well now, I think. Of course I can’t be certain that it will stay that way until forever, but for the time being I will enjoy what peacefulness between them they offer.
Can I vent? Sure I can. This is my blog, after all. Hehe. I just find it irritating that some people abuse me too much. I’ve given them my hand and yet they still want more and take my whole arm. It’s mostly my fault, though, what with the stupid people-pleaser in me. I try to be kind to everyone, but unfortunately, I come face to face with some people who take advantage of that.
I know a bit about blogs and how they work (I design and write for blogs for a living, after all), so I help out as much as I can when people have questions. But telling me to do something for you that you can do yourself? Asking me a question that you could have easily Googled in seconds? Demanding me to explain to you how stuff works and what that hostmonster review means like I have a responsibility to do that? I mean seriously? It’s either plain stupidity or laziness OR both.
Fortunately, I am not as gullible as some people think. I can usually spot a user from a mile. Although of course sometimes my radar fails me (reason why I am ranting, in the first place. LOL). The period when I am still determining whether a person is still worth helping, be glad for that. I’ll help out when I can. But I reach a boiling point. And when I do, a person better hopes he’s/she’s not there to hear what I have to say. Because I could say really mean things. Just ask Paulie. He knows.
My daughter Svet speaks quite well now, enough for us to decipher most of what she’s trying to say. Most, is the operative term here, as sometimes I still think she must be an alien’s daughter (or at least someone from Russia) because of the words coming out of her mouth. Especially if she’s excited or she doesn’t know how to call something (she would proceed to invent a name for it, most of the times a rather long name).
She’s seen too much Dora the Explorer (and other cartoon) episodes, that much is obvious from the way she speaks and from what she’s learned to say so far. I’m sometimes even surprised that she knows how to say a certain phrase in English, when it’s clearly not the language that we use to speak inside the house. Her songs are mostly off said kids’ show, songs that she won’t stop singing at night before she goes to sleep.
She’s only two, so I know her speech can only get better by the day. My mom scolds me and tells me to talk to Svet more often so that she’ll learn faster. I realize she is right (when is that woman ever wrong? *sigh*), and that I haven’t been talking to Svet as much as I need to. Talk, as in talk like adults. I should start now, no? If not I might forever be lost in translation.
Even though we’re up to our neck in work, we still get bored. At least I do sometimes. Like now. It’s been code code code ever since we got back. The only break I got was when I weeded out the undesirable plant growth outside the house the day after we got back. Nothing else is left for me to do outside, and Paulie has sufficiently cleaned the inside of the house, so I’m bored.
Although we watch at least two episodes of Bones (the TV series) at night before we go to sleep, I find myself wanting something else to do. So when I reach this point, I usually play games in my computer or read ebooks. I have read all the ebooks in my phone already, so I am left with choice number one. I have no installed games currently, so I turn to online gaming. There are a lot of free games online such as this one:
I had a vague idea of how to play the game, because me and my sisters used to play actual cards while growing up. And besides, there were tips appearing on the screen so I’m good. It took a good portion of my hour playing the game, and by the end of the hour it was already dinner, so Paulie had to drag my butt out of my chair so we can all eat.
I’ve been reading every night since I got a phone after almost four years of having none. Right now it’s Janet Evanovich’s and her Stephanie Plum series, which is really, really good. By that I mean funny and sexy and never boring. I first encountered Smokin’ Seventeen, which had me glued way past midnight, trying very hard not to laugh out loud while reading it.
It was only when I finished that I learned that there are actually 18 books in the series now, so now I am reading the first book, One For The Money. I hope I can finish all of her Plum series by the end of the month so I can check out Stieg Larsson’s novels next. It was a recommendation of one of the Girl Talkers (a Thursday meme I host in my other blog) during our book month, and I’ve been wanting to read the novels ever since.
So I guess you could say I am one happy camper these days because I am finally able to get back to doing what I love most during my free time.